0
POPSMembership In 'The Nobel Club' Has Its Privileges Great travel packages to the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janeiro Listing in "Who's Who of Global Salvation" ($49.95 per copy) Great coupons for Olive Garden, P.F. Chang's, Six Flags Theme Parks, and more! Plus, you'll receive the exclusive Nobel Peace Player's Club GoldCard entitling you to discount air travel and 5-star hotel accommodations from Kyoto to Darfur. But don't take our word for it! Listen to these testimonials from some of our current members: "My career as an international peace activist means lots of air travel -- and dealing with pushy Zionists and rude natives. With my Nobel Peace Player's Club GoldCard, I finally get the respect I deserve - and it makes getting through Gaza airport security a snap!" -- Jimmy Carter, 2002 Laureate "Whether we're patrolling the Congo, Sudan, or Bosnia, one thing's for sure -- chicks can't resist a Nobel Peace Prize Player!" -- United Nations Peacekeeping Forces, 1988 Winners
6
POPS Chicago’s “Good Times” Canceled: DynOmite! All I have to say is, where the hell were our international protocol and intelligence teams? Why didn’t someone over at the State Department tell us about this Danish policy before we put everything on the line to bring the Olympic games to the capital of Pay-To-Play cities? We just assumed that we would be treated to the same fawning adulation and deference we get in the USA: the country that invented free speech. We arrived with soaring expectations, only to have the whole thing blow up in our face. Thanks, State, once again. I’m beginning to think that Hillary didn’t really want that job. Insults are under threat in many countries. The World Press Freedom Committee earlier this year published a survey, "The Right to Offend, Shock or Disturb," which details how laws against insults are being used to squelch free speech, including opposition to the government. http://online.wsj.com/article/SB20001424052748704471504574451712299324476.html
1
POPSNone Dare Call it Art When 40 months seem a heavy load And every day makes your head explode Read Ott and Steyn and Iowahawk And Life won't feel like such a crock. David Hussein Burge! Mmmm -- mmmm -- mmmm Thanks, DB, I'm proud as hell, Of America -- just like Michelle! We're finally rising from the pits Cuz we elected YOU the King of Wits! David Hussein Burge! Mmmm -- mmmmm -- mmmm! Is This for real? A contest? Panderhawk Oh, Iowahawk! Who leaps into action when all the other blogsters just talk? Iowahawk! Who rushes in where angels fear to walk? Iowahawk! Who packs more irony than any other kid on the block? Iowahawk! Who causes the targets of his incisive satire, whether high or low, left or right, real or imaginary, to throw up their figuratively blood-stained hands and squawk? Iowahawk! Oh, Iowahawk, Your intelligence compares favorably to sixties Star Trek character Spock! Your masculine beauty is without any flaw or pock!
2
POPSQaddafi/Gadhafi/Gaddafi/Qadhafi Brings His Stand Up Show To The UN
The View From Twitter Mark Knoller: If Qadhafi ever gives up the de facto leadership of Libya, could you see a talk show in his future? Andy Levy: Qaddafi: We are all pirates. Except for the pirates. America? Pirates. Israel? Pirates. Pirates? Not pirates. Ben Smith: RT @mkoshark: Gadhafi is set to close his #UN speech with a shameless plug to watch his stint on next season’s Dancing With the Stars Chris Lehmann: I’m assuming the aide responsible for giving an Attaboy to Qaddafi after that performance is now planning to defect. Mike Madden: RT @owillis:Qadafi: so this is what @glennbeck sounds like in a diff language. Jake Tapper: AND…Qadaffi’s done. Roughly 90 minutes of sheer poetry. Ben Smith: Qaddafi: You are the ones who hate the Jews. Mark Knoller: At 90 minutes into the Qadhafi speech, 2nd shift of UN translators come on duty. Mark Knoller: Qadhafi even has his own health care reform: accuses capitalist countries & companie
2
POPSEarn Big $$$ the NEA Way! It's true -- U.S. government demand for art and art-like products has never been higher! Uncle Sam and the good folks at the National Endowment for the Arts are on the lookout for go-getting, obedient artists like you for a fast-paced career in state propaganda. With the quick and easy Federal Art Instruction Institute course, now you too can get a first class ticket on the federal art gravy train! Tell Me More! From heath care to the economy to the environment, Washington has become infested with pesky state enemies who are clogging up the legislative pipeline and making life miserable for our cool, art-loving president. That's why he has ordered the NEA to fund obsequious bohemians to help him exterminate the competition and drive traffic to his hip new website Servile.gov. The Federal Art Instruction Institute will show you how to get off funemployment and on the payroll of this exciting $3.6 trillion growth industry!
2
POPSFOUND: Bush White House NEA (leaks R us) Conference Call Transcript MS. CZARNOSKI: Speaking as an artist, I would first like to say, what’s my cut? MR. SMIRNOV: Is very good question. Is very much sliding scale depending how much service yous do for Mr. Bush. I mean America community. Mister Bush he sees many places where is good for Art. Here is to explain Mr. good buddy vice president Dick Cheney. MR. CHENEY: Hello everyone and thank you Yakov. I would like to say… MR. SMIRNOV: Please not to shoots me, Mr. Vice Presidents! MR. SMIRNOV: hhenng heh… heee… uh… Yakov make bad joke. Please Cheney buddy, Yakov sorry. MR. CHENEY: As I was saying, the President and I believe the Hillbilly Arts and Entertainment community can play a crucial role in moving our country, and the political debate forward. Whether your home base is Branson or Myrtle Beach or Laughlin, whether your art is wind chimes or plywood ducks, all of you can leverage your talents to address the plight the GOP community.
3
POPSMichael Vick To Face More Jail Time As Sentence is Converted to Dog Years during his probationary period will immediately trigger the conversion of his sentence to dog years. For the purposes of the conversion, Defendant’s sentence will be multiplied by the commonly accepted factor of seven.” Vick completed the 23-month term earlier this year. After receiving high-profile endorsements from perennially naïve nice guy and former Colts coach Tony Dungy, he convinced the Eagles to sign him as a backup quarterback in Philadelphia, where he hopes to reignite his stalled career. What qualifies as boorish behavior was not explicitly laid out by Judge Hudson, but according to federal prosecutors, the serious nature of Vick’s earlier transgressions “really lowers the bar” in terms of applying that definition.
1
POPSOsama bin Bloggin I like Twitterspace. You can find everything. There is even Spanish cat institute: @CatoInstituteabout 2 hours ago from web Mr. Obama will not let me play Pokémon: http://osamabb.blogspot.com… Asshole!about 2 hours ago from web Tweet out! Time to examine terrible depths of Western infidel depravity w/ exhaustive research of Victoria Secret online catalog.about 4 hours ago from web I am learning about what infidel women want by reading this topic of #dontcuffhim Not understanding so much of this.about 5 hours ago from web All Internets talking about this Taylor Fast person. How fast is she? We had Afghan women, VERY fast. We chase them all day no catching.about 5 hours ago from web #dontwifeher if she reveals her wrists or ankles. Is infidel slut in this case.about 5 hours ago from web See this??!! @SissyWillis right abt me! I know the weak sex! RT @vermontaigne @osamabinbloggin Love the Twitter page background!about 5 hours ago from web
3
POPSScott Ott's: Obama Will Urge Kids To Go To Private School While the White House would not confirm the content of the leaked speech draft, a spokesman acknowledged that "You don't get to be as smart and cool as Barack Obama by sitting in P.S. 152, listening to some union lackey droning on, and then eating government surplus in the cafeteria." On Tuesday, the president will bypass parents, taking his message directly to kids in the classroom "in hopes that you'll pester Mom until she gets a second job to pay private-school tuition so you can escape the swirling vortex of ignorance and despair that is our government-run school system." "The only thing standing between you and success," the president will allegedly say, "is the mentality that the government will take care of you. Once you shake that, there's no limit to your achievement. Pay any price. Bear any burden. Just get your fanny out of that fiberglass chair, go buy yourself an Oxford shirt, a pair of slacks and a clip-on tie (sorry about that :D )and . . .
4
POPSDo You Notice Anything Shrivelling? by Mark Steyn . . . who conceive through donor sperm are getting it from the United States, mainly from men in Georgia and northern Florida. Canada’s future is now in American hands. You know how it is: you wait ages for a good sperm story and then they all come at once. It seems there’s also a shortage of the stuff in Sweden. But, in contrast to Canada, this is caused not by government intervention in supply but by a surge in demand, from Swedish lesbian couples anxious to conceive. So they headed off to the sperm clinic, whereupon the Sapphic demand ran into the problem of male inability to satisfy it. There appear to be higher than usual levels of non-functioning sperm. It’s a widespread problem: “Concern As Sperm Count Falls By A Third In UK Men” (the Daily Mail, 2004). Don’t ask me why: I’d blame Tony Blair’s cozying up to Bush were it not for "Sperm Counts Drops 25 Per Cent In Younger Men" (the Independent , 1996), so maybe it was John Major pulling out of the . . .
2
POPSRules For Training Your Dog And Your Politicians For example, a lot of people are trying to get different behaviors out of dogs and politicians by going to town hall meetings and yelling at them. Now, as Cesar would tell you, that is not a good strategy. While that might intimidate some of the more timid dogs and politicians, many of them will feed off that angry energy and only get more frantic, barking and calling everyone who disagrees with them racists and Klansmen. As Cesar will tell you, dogs and politicians often act out because they don’t know what’s expected of them. To help with that, they need rules, boundaries, and limitations. Politicians are the same way. Their rules, boundaries, and limitations are clearly defined in the Constitution For example, socialism is clearly not allowed, but politicians are constantly testing this boundary and often ignoring it entirely. Why? We’re not always consistent about it. Consistency is important, but that’s not all there is to handling your dog or politician . . .
1
POPS Proctologists On Health Care Reform The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say "no". In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington. Patterico's Pontifications http://patterico.com/2009/08/25/procotologists-on-obamacare/ Proctologists on ObamaCare … and other decidedly-not-serious medical views. "
5
POPSObama's Lapdog Named "Media" ~ by Superkommissar Maksim Kommissar's Update: See a take by Big Fur Hat here: Media buries a bone from Obama's closet. It has caught on! Damon Bryan Shackelford of Delta BravoSierra has sent us these: Media The Lapdog and Sheeple Media The Lapdog Shows its "O" Face http://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=2672
6
POPSKnow Your Town Hall Mob Agitators! The days of your deviltry are numbered, well-dressed running-dog lackey of gangster insurance plutocrats! You and your $250 suit are now entered into our monitoring data base! In addition to reporting suspected health care blogoteurs, it is important to remind your fellow citizens to practice "safe surfing" when looking for health care reform information. Links to approved, citizen-driven, spontaneous grassroots websites can be found at Organizing for America, Health Care for America Now!, and ACORN. Until further notice, all other health care opinions are considered hostile disinformation from highly coordinated state enemies! In Your Home Sector Rooting out the deceptive web of anti-health propagandists must not only take place at our town halls and on line. If we are to defeat the forces of reaction, we must expose and isolate these sinister elements in all local sectors.
2
POPSSenate Champion for Healthcare & Harvard Greek Intramurals in '53 As the Conscience of the Senate, I have led the fight to win comprehensive national medical benefits for you and other vulnerable Boiler Room Girls who have been denied coverage by their heartless employers. I fervently believe we're all on this boat together. Okay, Oldsmobile. Now, if you'll just let go of my arm, I'll make a break for it and continue the fight for your health care rights back at my lawyer's office. Ow! Jesus! That fucking hurt! Come on now, Baby. Let's all just calm down, take a shallow breath, and look at our heath care predicament rationally. We obviously can't both stay here in our current plan, and if we both opt out of our windows at the same time it will sink the entire system. Even if we both made it out, there will be difficult questions and bureaucratic forms and red tape. Like I also told you back at the party, my wife doesn't understand me. And she sure as hell won't understand this. Obviously the answer is some sort of window rationing system where
7
POPSDoes Michelle Obama Have a Drinking Problem? Is alcohol rehab part of healthcare plan? But he also feels guilty because of the pictures taken of him drinking beer at an NBA game recently.” The President also feels he may have contributed to his wife’s alcohol issues by not stopping her from overindulging during their date night in New York City on May 30. Michelle, 45, knocked back “a glass or two of champagne” while the couple flew to the Big Apple on a private jet, according to the close source, and published reports said she downed two martinis during dinner at the Greenwich Village restaurant Blue Hill. “It was clear that Mrs. Obama was having a VERY good time,” a restaurant employee told The ENQUIRER. “There’s a real fear that she may be drinking more than she should as a result of the pressures that come along with being First Lady,” an insider divulged. It looks like “Last call” are the First Lady’s least favorite words. Source: NationalEnquirer.com
4
POPS*Mark Sanford's Soul Mate *R-Rated But he continued moving towards her, his sleekly massive member flexing and coiling like the snake that ate Jon Voight in Anaconda. Slowly, he began to move his mouth, yet no words were made, nor were they necessary. She was hotter and wetter than an illegal crossing the Rio Grande. Full article at link
3
POPS Virgin-Americans Fight Against Blood Sacrifice Amendment (C&T) "For example, were I not focusing on this crucial legislation, I would totally be porking some sexy, sexy ladies. No, really, I'm serious. I would be. Stop laughing", Waxman said. Bill co-sponsor Edward Markey (D-MA) said that even if enacted into law, the bill allows a 9 month grace period for current virgins to change their sacrifice eligibility status. "Easy for him to say," complained Kevin Warren, a 34-year old Green Bay Packer fanatic from Fon du Lac, Wisconsin. "You try getting laid with a foam rubber cheese hat, green face paint and Favre jersey." Whether Warren and other Virgin-Americans have the clout to scuttle the bill remains to be seen. It is scheduled for Senate deliberations as soon as the House Sergeant-at-Arms can locate a crane powerful enough to move the entire document to the Senate chamber. If passed there, it is expected to be quickly signed into law by President Obama.
3
POPS Ha! dialogue which has been taking place in your great and noble Islamic Republic of Iran over recent days. It has been both educational and fascinating, and as a sports fan I have thrilled to the pageantry, the suspense, and the fast-paced, hard-hitting action. Obama, despite the careful diplomatic language, reveals himself as never before in this key epistle, and you’ll want to read that whole thing, too. I’d just like to say I am deeply honored that a post from this site, Jules Crittenden’s Forward Movement, is linked in this important message. I’d add that President Barack Obama, in choosing Iowahawk as his vehicle to speak to the people of Iran, clearly recognizes how wildly popular Mr. Dave Burge’s site is among freedom-loving peoples of the world and how critical it has been to advancing global peace and understanding, especially during the Bush years when America was viewed negatively in the world by morons. http://www.julescrittenden.com/
3
POPS Obugger's Wealth Share...um...Health Care Ten Reasons Why Medicare for All Will Be AWESOME! 1. It’s patriotic to pay taxes. If you have to pay taxes anyway, you might as well fund a good cause, excessive taxation being the greatest form of charity (for those who didn’t earn the money in the first place). Medicare for All is as good a cause as any other, except for maybe freedom. Besides, it’s not every day you get to put best in class American ingenuity into the hands of bureaucrats and completely destroy it, all while finding your government sponsored sunny breezy day. This satire has been cross-posted at Smart Girl Nation and The American TEA Party. http://smartgirlpolitics.ning.com/forum/topics/health-care-ration-book http://teapartyamerica.blogspot.com/2009/06/ten-reasons-why-medicare-for-all-will.html
3
POPSParody Of Obama's White House Correspondents' Dinner Speech But hey, who am I to talk about family problems? I'd read you the list of all my half-brothers, but it's longer than the stimulus bill. You guys heard about my half-brother Samson, right? Yeah, when he was heading over here for my inauguration, he ran into a... well, a bit of a problem in England. Got kicked out. Turns out they'd already met their weekly quota on child molesters. Oops! And don't even get me started on my Auntie Zeituni. I'm the first president to deal with so much hassle from an alien since Independence Day. Speaking of the news, interesting item today: A Saudi judge has said it's okay to slap your wife if she spends too much. And you still wanna know why I bow to them? Boy oh boy, I'm in for it now. Should I look? I'm gonna look. Oof. Yeah, I know. I know. You gotta believe I love you, baby, but next time could you maybe wear the four-hundred-dollar shoes to the homeless shelter?
4
POPS Obama Takes on North Korea Step 5) The North Korean ambassador will not be invited to the next four Wednesday afternoon parties at the White House. Step 6) The United States will no longer ship legitimate DVDs to North Korea forcing General Il to watch pirate copies of his favorite new movies. President Obama announced that these severe steps could be avoided only if the North Korean leader issued a sincere apology and promised to never ever do it again.
3
POPS Kimmy 'Hearts' Hirrary ~ heh heh VOA News: At a State Department press event with New Zealand Foreign Minister Murray McCully, Secretary Clinton advised patience on the issue, saying that while 72 hours without action may seem like a long time for television news, it is not a long time in international relations or in the affairs of the Security Council.
8
POPSGovernment Motors (GM) Unveils its First Model! To fight noise pollution, instead of a horn, the B-ROC will include a booklet of hand signals to communicate with fellow drivers in a more efficient and exact manner. Similar to the popular OnStar system, the B-ROC will come standard with the BigBrother system. This will allow the government to keep track of where you are and what you’re saying. And if you were hoping OnStar would one day monitor for speech insensitive to race, gender, or sexual preference, then you’re going to love BigBrother! And if you’re ever in need, a helpful government social worker will be one button away with a wait time guaranteed to be no more than six hours (for safety reasons, the B-ROC must be parked during two-way communications). Never be afraid; BigBrother is watching you! Remote access will allow the government to open your B-ROC for you if you accidentally lock your keys inside. It will also allow the government to lock you inside if they feel they need to for your own safety
5
POPSLights Out, Clocks Spring Forward For Earth Hour Norton, who is not related to the sewer worker of the same name in Jackie Gleason's TV show "The Honeymooners," likened the Earth Hour observance to the Civil Rights March on Selma, which coincidentally happened 44 years ago to the month. While Earth Hour is expected to pack all the symbolic punch of the Selma march, Norton said he hopes police won't react against participants with billy clubs, tear gas and bull whips. "We're especially concerned about the tear gas," he said, "because it's nearly as bad for the Earth's atmosphere as carbon dioxide." Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor-in-chief of ScrappleFace.com, the family-friendly news satire site, and anchor of ScrappleFace Network News (SNN), seen on YouTube.
1
POPSGuilt™ Quiz & Guilt™ Level Chart: Tools for the Guilted™Age Guilt czar is to be selected from among the best professional guilt trippers on the raster of Socialist International, to oversee the proper distribution of Guilt™ among all Americans in accordance with assigned quotas (see diagram above). Guilt czar will steer and support the transition from Conspicuous Consumption™ of the Gilded Age to Conspicuous Compassion™ of the Guilted Age, as mandated by government edict. To this end scientists at Karl Marx Treatment Center developed the following Progressive Guilt Quiz. It is to be taken by all Americans at the start of each fiscal year, to estimate their position in the Guilt™ hierarchy. The level of Guilt™ they are required to feel is directly proportional to the money they are required to Share™ with the Party and its organs in order to receive their annual Guilt™ Offsets.
3
POPS Earth: Too Big To Fail It seems Geithner has finally seen the counter-Keynesian light. You can't enrich yourself by taking money from one pocket and putting it in the other (particularly when the hand facilitating the transfer is a governmental hand with governmentally sticky fingers) Handcrafted by suitabltyflip on March 13, 2009 Geithner boosts NASA funds to probe cosmos for bail-out cash By Scott Ott Examiner Columnist | 3/13/09 5:21 AM "Let's face it," said an unnamed Treasury source, "Earth is too big to fail. We can all boost funding to the IMF, but at some point that's like scooping water out of a bucket to fill the same bucket. The fundamental problem is that Earth is a closed economic system. To rescue the global economy we need help that's literally out of this world." Just a day after U.S. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner proposed increasing U.S. contributions to his former employer, the International Monetary Fund (IMF) by $100 billion . . . . . .
1
POPSObama Rescue Buys New GM Car For Each New Bureaucrat "The president's plan creates new jobs in government and that trickles down to the private sector," said Mr. Geithner. "This is a great example of the kind of public-private partnership that will lead America into a swirling vortex of ever-intensifying prosperity. GM will be hard pressed to keep up with the demand." The president will pay for the plan through a 50 percent "luxury tax" on privately-purchased cars that have more than two doors or four cylinders, or that emit carbon monoxide. "As the old saying goes, what's good for the UAW is good for UAW leaders," Mr. Geithner said. "The only way America can sustain its vibrant capitalist economy is by making the stark choice between risk and reward. Speaking for the president and the Treasury department, we choose reward." Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor-in-chief of ScrappleFace.com, the family-friendly news satire site, and anchor of ScrappleFace Network News (SNN), seen on YouTube.
1
POPSGrievance Reporting for Hope'N'Change Operating System To automate the growing number of grievances, reduce paperwork, and bring the grievance collecting into the 21st century, the Obama Administration has created a new agency, the U.S. Department of Grievances, linked with other agencies and taxpayers through the newly launched 2009 Hope'N'Change Operating System. Given that the most optimistic evaluation of Obama's stimulus plan included this language, "If we do everything right, there's still a 30 percent chance we'll get it wrong," and that the government's record of "getting everything right" is shaky at best, the new department's current goal is to prepare for the impending "30%" outcome.
4
POPS EPA Arrests CNBC's Rick Santelli Gibbs added, "I don't know where Mr. Santelli lives, but apparently, like most conservative critics, he has a callous disregard for the lives of the waterfowl, sturgeon and fresh-water mollusks that inhabit the Lake Michigan watershed. If the Chinese were shipping us toys made with derivative securities, we'd recall our ambassador and cut off relations. If R.J. Reynolds were mixing derivative securities with its tobacco, cigarettes would be banned. Do you know what's in those securities, Mr. Santelli?" The press secretary later said that final question was rhetorical since, like the recently-passed stimulus act, "no one really knows what's in there yet." Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the family-friendly news satire site, and anchor of ScrappleFace Network News (SNN), seen on YouTube.
2
POPSFIlmmakers Take on DC: Obama, Clintons Heroes and Mock Palin Naturally, all these people could see out of Governor Sarah Palin's incredible story was something to ridicule. What we have here is further proof of Hollywood's hatred of the average American and its disconnect from the majority of the country. Many millions of people in this country found Sarah Palin to be a breath of fresh air and look forward to seeing her further her political career. Yet what does her name evoke in Hollyweird? Nothing but snide comments and attacks.
4
POPSDear Ali Khameini, Here's How To Get Nukes by Claudia Rosett Who are we? Our team includes experts skilled in leveraging the biggest bang for the buck in one of the world's few remaining bull markets: Nuclear proliferation. For years, we have been pooling our knowledge and talents to serve a sophisticated and select clientele (including each other). What's the secret of our success? It all begins with the basic confidence that if you really want to get the bomb, no one is going to have the nerve to stop you (except maybe the Israelis, but we're working on that). Sure, those democratic states will talk, and bargain, and hog air time on Al-Arabiya. But in this global game of chicken, if we put the pedal to the metal, they'll flinch. Worried about U.N. sanctions? Fuggedaboutit. We have compiled a full set of sanctions-busting best practices, field-tested by Saddam Hussein under Oil-for-Food and Kim Jong Il during the Six-Party Talks, with input from the Somali pirates and the offshore-banking division of the Myanmar junta;
Newest Clips
see Newest Clips
Pops
Comments
Tags
1
Most Pops
Print
Save
Turn on live update