How can the Federal Art Instruction Institute help me?


Unlike traditional art schools, the Federal Art Instruction Institute doesn’t waste your time on boring Post-Modernist theory, messy bodily fluids, or painful self mutilation. With our easy-to-learn program you will quickly learn how to channel your natural artistic ability and suburban self-loathing at state enemies who, when you think about it, are a lot like your parents.

Can you draw triangles? The Federal Art Instruction Institute will show you the easy way to turn them into Ku Klux Klan hoods. Turn them upside down and they become scary vampire fangs! Even a simple black rectangle can become a Hitler mustache with our easy to le...

How can the Federal Art Instruction Institute help me?


Unlike traditional art schools, the Federal Art Instruction Institute doesn’t waste your time on boring Post-Modernist theory, messy bodily fluids, or painful self mutilation. With our easy-to-learn program you will quickly learn how to channel your natural artistic ability and suburban self-loathing at state enemies who, when you think about it, are a lot like your parents.

Can you draw triangles? The Federal Art Instruction Institute will show you the easy way to turn them into Ku Klux Klan hoods. Turn them upside down and they become scary vampire fangs! Even a simple black rectangle can become a Hitler mustache with our easy to learn methods.

Our award winning studio instructors includes some of the top young professional kowtowers, bumnuzzlers and bootlicks working in the government art field today — people like Buffy Wicks, Yosi Sergant and Michael Skolnik. They will keep you up to date on all the hot new policy trends and enemy lists, and what your patrons at the NEA need you to do about it. Using tried and true traditional art techniques from Cuba, Germany and central Asia, they will teach you how to pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it — for big cash prizes!

I’m skeptical. Do you have previous success stories?

And how! Just read these testimonials from FAII graduates:

“I made over $1 million in my first year, and all I had to do was obey! Thanks, Federal Art Instruction Institute!”
– S. Fairey, Los Angeles, Calif.

“As a cutting edge visual artist, I had a natural aptitude for political servility and blind hatred. The Federal Art Instruction Institute showed me how to turn it into a solid government career with great benefits!”
– J. Greenberg, New York, N.Y.

“The Federal Art Instruction Institute showed us how to win big government contracts for our failing business. This program was a lifesaver!”
–The two hipst...

I’m skeptical. Do you have previous success stories?

And how! Just read these testimonials from FAII graduates:

“I made over $1 million in my first year, and all I had to do was obey! Thanks, Federal Art Instruction Institute!”
– S. Fairey, Los Angeles, Calif.

“As a cutting edge visual artist, I had a natural aptitude for political servility and blind hatred. The Federal Art Instruction Institute showed me how to turn it into a solid government career with great benefits!”
– J. Greenberg, New York, N.Y.

“The Federal Art Instruction Institute showed us how to win big government contracts for our failing business. This program was a lifesaver!”
–The two hipster assholes from SaraPalinIsAC**tTShirts.com


Sounds too good to be true! What’s the catch?


No catch, but enrollment is limited. So don’t delay, write today for your free talent and obedience test and see if you have what it takes to be a professional in the new art capital of the world — Washington, D.C.!

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