I have clippers going back almost to my start at clipmarks. (I removed them all once about 9 months in)
I haven't removed anyone from my list since. I see a lot of lost names there.

Right now I think I am in the worst possible way in real life. I have lost my ambition. I've been so worn down by tradgety and despair sometimes I can't see why I don't go jump off a cliff.

In the past, clipmarks and your comments have helped lighten the load and allowed me to read some great clips. I have googled ideas I got from your comments and found hope. Not so much anymore.

Anymore, I feel like an outsider, even to myself. I've become detached and depressed. My material world is slipping away and my vi...

I have clippers going back almost to my start at clipmarks. (I removed them all once about 9 months in)
I haven't removed anyone from my list since. I see a lot of lost names there.

Right now I think I am in the worst possible way in real life. I have lost my ambition. I've been so worn down by tradgety and despair sometimes I can't see why I don't go jump off a cliff.

In the past, clipmarks and your comments have helped lighten the load and allowed me to read some great clips. I have googled ideas I got from your comments and found hope. Not so much anymore.

Anymore, I feel like an outsider, even to myself. I've become detached and depressed. My material world is slipping away and my virtual world is becoming indifferent. All around me I see people losing what is dear to them and there is this funk that surrounds everyone.
I know if I don't catch a break I will die shortly.

Hey, y'all thanx for the kind words. I know times are tough and society is harsh. If that were all there was to it I would be happy.
I can see as good as I used to and its getting worse - Its probably the monitor and my age catching up - can't really do anything about it because my insurance was dropped.
I'm in pain all the time now - can't sleep. Script pain meds don't work. can't get them anyway - no insurance.
Kids are all leaving home. Daughter only one in school but she has friends and its summer vac.
Can't get to grandson regualarly - no gas and his mom & dad are working all the time.
I hate my job - its boring and pays low. I like the people I work with but with the pain and constant...

Hey, y'all thanx for the kind words. I know times are tough and society is harsh. If that were all there was to it I would be happy.
I can see as good as I used to and its getting worse - Its probably the monitor and my age catching up - can't really do anything about it because my insurance was dropped.
I'm in pain all the time now - can't sleep. Script pain meds don't work. can't get them anyway - no insurance.
Kids are all leaving home. Daughter only one in school but she has friends and its summer vac.
Can't get to grandson regualarly - no gas and his mom & dad are working all the time.
I hate my job - its boring and pays low. I like the people I work with but with the pain and constant standing its wearing me down faster than wrenching.
Not interested in the job hunting hassle of a small town. Can't afford to hunt where the good jobs are.
The Worst of it all, The thing that really concerns me, I don't give a shit. I've been fighting to live in society all my life and nothing to show for it. Not even a good feeling. I see my life slipping away and I'm not even motivated to reach.

Skwirl....this is the resident *eeyore* here. Life is very hard and there's no sense in trying to pretend it isn't. I sounds like you do have a good family and that they are busy with Life. Do they know how you feel? It's great that you like the people you work with. Don't you think you are important to them...that you add to their lives? All of us probably are feeling very similar; perhaps just to different extents. Pain can really take the joy out of your life. Gratefully I was able to get Medicaid help for my Dad and his pain meds. It made a big difference in his outlook. I hope you will seek out some help for that and the depression. A lot of Doctors are willing to work with y...

Skwirl....this is the resident *eeyore* here. Life is very hard and there's no sense in trying to pretend it isn't. I sounds like you do have a good family and that they are busy with Life. Do they know how you feel? It's great that you like the people you work with. Don't you think you are important to them...that you add to their lives? All of us probably are feeling very similar; perhaps just to different extents. Pain can really take the joy out of your life. Gratefully I was able to get Medicaid help for my Dad and his pain meds. It made a big difference in his outlook. I hope you will seek out some help for that and the depression. A lot of Doctors are willing to work with you if they just know.

And besides...you're a big SPARK here at Clipmarks. We need your positive, light-hearted clips; at least I do! I come here several times a day to check out what's new. I always check to see what you're up to. Hang in there. There are people all around you who really care...and they might need you to pick them up too! :~)

Jo Anne

I hear you too, my dear friend... very clearly.

Don't know why or even what it is, but it seems most of us (at least, most people I know, around me - sensible, intelligent, bright people like you) have been passing through a kind of dim, narrow corridor these days. (Just a few days ago I was chatting with a close friend, who expressed his thoughts and feelings in a way very similar to your comments above - almost with the same words.) It may look dark at the moment but as Jason said, things will definitely get better Skwirl, I know this and I can feel this. And we'll be here to see the light at the end of the corridor.

You know, the brightest mornings come just after the darkest hours of t...

I hear you too, my dear friend... very clearly.

Don't know why or even what it is, but it seems most of us (at least, most people I know, around me - sensible, intelligent, bright people like you) have been passing through a kind of dim, narrow corridor these days. (Just a few days ago I was chatting with a close friend, who expressed his thoughts and feelings in a way very similar to your comments above - almost with the same words.) It may look dark at the moment but as Jason said, things will definitely get better Skwirl, I know this and I can feel this. And we'll be here to see the light at the end of the corridor.

You know, the brightest mornings come just after the darkest hours of the night.

You are not alone Skwirl. Believe me, you're not alone.

Tommy,
Chronic pain affects your social and emotional health; I know this because my husband suffers from chronic pain and I also suffered from it for two years until I found a doctor with a diagnosis and a treatment that left me pain free; so there is hope. I also know how you feel about the children leaving the home. Both my girls are gone now and it's been a definite adjustment. Lordy Tommy, I've been through the mill too. I was raped in 2000, pulled myself out of a major depression with no medication, almost lost my husband, came out of the closet as a bisexual woman . . . whew!!!!!! Life can be challenging and unpredictable and bittersweet . . . and beautiful and over [i]way...

Tommy,
Chronic pain affects your social and emotional health; I know this because my husband suffers from chronic pain and I also suffered from it for two years until I found a doctor with a diagnosis and a treatment that left me pain free; so there is hope. I also know how you feel about the children leaving the home. Both my girls are gone now and it's been a definite adjustment. Lordy Tommy, I've been through the mill too. I was raped in 2000, pulled myself out of a major depression with no medication, almost lost my husband, came out of the closet as a bisexual woman . . . whew!!!!!! Life can be challenging and unpredictable and bittersweet . . . and beautiful and over way too short.
If there is one thing I can say about clipmarks, it is the fact that some people have come into my life that have made me think, and feel and have enriched my life beyond belief. Thanks for being here Tommy
Deborah

Here is an update:
I missed 3 days of work this week and I just found out I have meds insurance. I had to call off today again for another infection and I'm running a 101.7 fever. Since I can't get ahold of a doc before mon morn I will probably have to call off mon too. That will be 4 days missed out of this pay period. Thats if I don't end up in the hosp with IV's in me. The last time I was in the hosp for a week and recovering at home for almost a month.
My boss is having marital problems and I found out she left him a couple days ago. I REALLY feel like a piece of shit calling off but my arms and legs and hands and feet are very swollen now.
Stimulus check is paying the bills right now...

Here is an update:
I missed 3 days of work this week and I just found out I have meds insurance. I had to call off today again for another infection and I'm running a 101.7 fever. Since I can't get ahold of a doc before mon morn I will probably have to call off mon too. That will be 4 days missed out of this pay period. Thats if I don't end up in the hosp with IV's in me. The last time I was in the hosp for a week and recovering at home for almost a month.
My boss is having marital problems and I found out she left him a couple days ago. I REALLY feel like a piece of shit calling off but my arms and legs and hands and feet are very swollen now.
Stimulus check is paying the bills right now, after its gone I'm shit outa luck.
My copay is $25 per visit and I have a reg doctor and a pain doc. Thats $50 then $prescriptions after. Emergency room copay is $250 - no way I can afford that.
I'm itchy, bleeding and in pain.

Tommy,
You need to speak very frankly with your doctor about your financial situation. Most doctors will forgo your co-pay. Can you get any of your pain meds generic at Wal Mart for the $5.00 co-pay? Also, many of the pharmaceutical companies have low income programs where the meds are offered for free or very low cost.
http://www.rxassist.org/

As far as the emergency room, there is the Hill-Burton Act; find out if your hospital accepts this program and talk to the social worker at the hospital.

http://www.hrsa.gov/hillburton/compliance-recovery.htm

Don't be afraid to ask for assistanc...

Tommy,
You need to speak very frankly with your doctor about your financial situation. Most doctors will forgo your co-pay. Can you get any of your pain meds generic at Wal Mart for the $5.00 co-pay? Also, many of the pharmaceutical companies have low income programs where the meds are offered for free or very low cost.
http://www.rxassist.org/

As far as the emergency room, there is the Hill-Burton Act; find out if your hospital accepts this program and talk to the social worker at the hospital.

http://www.hrsa.gov/hillburton/compliance-recovery.htm

Don't be afraid to ask for assistance, they are many programs that will help with food and bills; that's what they are there for.

Here is a heads up

My dr visit and resulting scripts cost me $65 in co-pays
I used money set aside for rent.

No pain meds, gotta see another doc for that and pay another co-pay and prescrip fee. Can't afford it.
I go back to work today after a week without income.
I start at 10 and work till close.

Trash didn't get picked up because I owe $142. I can't figure out why it is so high, I just paid them $120 about a month ago!

I paid $200 on my phone/internet service and got a new bill the next day.

I got my satallite turned back on

I got rabies shots for my two Labradore Retrievers

I filled the car with gas

I bought some food

I paid on my electric bill

I renewed my expired car insuran...

Here is a heads up

My dr visit and resulting scripts cost me $65 in co-pays
I used money set aside for rent.

No pain meds, gotta see another doc for that and pay another co-pay and prescrip fee. Can't afford it.
I go back to work today after a week without income.
I start at 10 and work till close.

Trash didn't get picked up because I owe $142. I can't figure out why it is so high, I just paid them $120 about a month ago!

I paid $200 on my phone/internet service and got a new bill the next day.

I got my satallite turned back on

I got rabies shots for my two Labradore Retrievers

I filled the car with gas

I bought some food

I paid on my electric bill

I renewed my expired car insurance (Its due 12/25/08)

And That about uses up my Stimulus Check and paycheck