This is difficult for both the parent and child. My mother decided after we took her on tours of various independent living centers to move into one of those. Now her dementia is to the point where she will be going to an assisted living unit in her building for adult day care for 4 hours a day starting tomorrow. As she declines, its difficult to watch, but since I'm her Power of Attorney and trustee for her trust, I now make her decisions. Since I live 3 hours away by car, my brother who lives 8 blocks from her apartment complex has her medical power of attorney. My mother, brother and I all live in Missouri, we went to an elder law specialist in Missouri to get this set up, when we...

This is difficult for both the parent and child. My mother decided after we took her on tours of various independent living centers to move into one of those. Now her dementia is to the point where she will be going to an assisted living unit in her building for adult day care for 4 hours a day starting tomorrow. As she declines, its difficult to watch, but since I'm her Power of Attorney and trustee for her trust, I now make her decisions. Since I live 3 hours away by car, my brother who lives 8 blocks from her apartment complex has her medical power of attorney. My mother, brother and I all live in Missouri, we went to an elder law specialist in Missouri to get this set up, when we knew she was beginning to have memory problems. Fortunate on the timing, if we had waited another 12 months, we would have had to gone to court for a guardianship. It cost money to have this set up, but for all four of us, mother and 3 children, it gave us all peace of mind. We know the next step is assisted living full time. Otherwise, she is healthy, needs no walker, cane, etc., eats well, participates in activities, as my brother says, "she just lives on another planet." As my sister lives in New Jersey and only gets to see mother twice a year, mother knows she is a relative, but no clue who as to who my sister is. And in the last 12 months mother has taken to introducing me as her sister (never by name) but her sister. The only one she still knows as her child is my brother, the baby in the family, and the one that sees her every other day. So we are well along in our journey with an aging parent (she's 91), but she had stated all along she did not want to live with any of us, as during our childhood, my dad's mother moved in shortly after they were married and lived with them until she died. It was not a very good relationship between my mother and grandmother--both were very strong willed and set in their ways. Mother felt it was her house and since grandma took

Hi Satchamo, I'm so glad you're sharing that. I've been concerned about this clip because I know that people are uncomfortable with the subject matter and usually don't want to deal with it until they absolutely have too. I've wanted to say that that's a big mistake but haven't known how too, but now I can, thanks to you.

You and your brother and sister have done everything the right way.

My two brothers and myself did everything the wrong way. We didn't see a lawyer even though we were advised too. We didn't talk before hand about anything. It was a complete disaster that lasted for eight years. Everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong. It all started in '95 when Mom was d...

Hi Satchamo, I'm so glad you're sharing that. I've been concerned about this clip because I know that people are uncomfortable with the subject matter and usually don't want to deal with it until they absolutely have too. I've wanted to say that that's a big mistake but haven't known how too, but now I can, thanks to you.

You and your brother and sister have done everything the right way.

My two brothers and myself did everything the wrong way. We didn't see a lawyer even though we were advised too. We didn't talk before hand about anything. It was a complete disaster that lasted for eight years. Everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong. It all started in '95 when Mom was diagnosed with cancer. She told the doctor to get it all because she wouldn't take chemo. About four years later, we begin to notice signs of dementia. Shortly after that she had a stroke and moved in with me because she could no longer live alone. Within three months, both of my brothers managed to move completely out of the area, one on the other side of the country and the other about 200 miles North. It was bad enough that they were useless, but when money started to become an issue they became part of the problem.
As for the pain and heartache of watching a parents health go downhill and the toll that dementia takes on a child, I can only say that we are all pushed to our limits regardless of any of the other circumstances.
As for everything else, the difference between doing everything wrong and everything right, was reflected in my mental and physical health. I'm still in therapy but fortunately that will be ending soon. As for my physical health, it's only been in this past year that my immune system has really started acting normal again.

If people would only imagine what the worst case scenario could be and get prepared before hand, they can avoid a lot of personal devastation. Needless to say, my Mother's children not being prepared was no help to her either.
I know these are very hard times for you and there's no way I can sugar coat it and make it all better. But I can say that at some point it will start to get a little easier. As time goes by, it will get better. The hurt never completely goes away but it does become bearable and at some point we realize that our suffering has been in direct proportion with all the happiness we shared with them and all the precious memories we hold dear. I may have done things much dif...

If people would only imagine what the worst case scenario could be and get prepared before hand, they can avoid a lot of personal devastation. Needless to say, my Mother's children not being prepared was no help to her either.
I know these are very hard times for you and there's no way I can sugar coat it and make it all better. But I can say that at some point it will start to get a little easier. As time goes by, it will get better. The hurt never completely goes away but it does become bearable and at some point we realize that our suffering has been in direct proportion with all the happiness we shared with them and all the precious memories we hold dear. I may have done things much differently but I wouldn't trade the life I had with my mother for anything in the world.