3) Papers falling into the trashcan. Please refer your boss to appropriate experts in astronomy, mechanics, and theoretical physics. During this dangerous time, it is essential that all soul-deadened middle-managers understand it is simply not your fault your assignments won't stay on the desk.

4) Fat people falling off diets. Please refer to your body in that high-school bikini you can still "fit into."

5) Ice-cream falling off cones. This only happens when you are derelict in your ice-cream eating duties. Have you no shame?

6) Time falling off clocks. Despite the widespread transition to digital, this is expected to remain a significant problem in the coming months, as the minute and hour hands alike are pulled down swiftly toward the poles of 6 and 12 (6 + 6). Inconclusive data is leading some scientists to conjecture the end of the world is near, and to encourage their lab assistants to experiment further with observed phenomenon No. 1.

Katelyn Sack is The Wasteful Amer

Oh! how to get time when I open my eyes early in the morning?

LOL I'm starting to see why the source site is called null hypothesis!

OMG
Many a person will lose their hair.
Jaws will drop.
My bath duck will sink.
The sun will set.
OMG

I'm beside myself with worry

I lost this after "bras falling to the floor".
There goes my ADHD again.