Aunt Augusta Fandanglia Phelps,
She concocts cooked-up words such as zelps!
But don't ask what they mean —
They're half-baked and obscene.
You don't have to be mad but it helps.

Thomas Taylor

Lady Phelps, when she's tired, will sleep
In a bed that's as wide as it's deep.
She shares this half tester
(Hand carved, made in Chester)
With two kittens, three goats and a sheep.

Dottie (Anne Clements)

The youngest of all, Baby Phelps,
Emits ear-splitting sounds when he belps.
'Twixt a belch and a burp,
That's his word – little twerp!
(You don't have to be...

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Aunt Augusta Fandanglia Phelps,
She concocts cooked-up words such as zelps!
But don't ask what they mean —
They're half-baked and obscene.
You don't have to be mad but it helps.

Thomas Taylor

Lady Phelps, when she's tired, will sleep
In a bed that's as wide as it's deep.
She shares this half tester
(Hand carved, made in Chester)
With two kittens, three goats and a sheep.

Dottie (Anne Clements)

The youngest of all, Baby Phelps,
Emits ear-splitting sounds when he belps.
'Twixt a belch and a burp,
That's his word – little twerp!
(You don't have to be mad, but it helps.)

Dottie (Anne Clements)

That was naughty, young Fanny Ann Phelps,
Attacking your granny with skelps!
Her old eyes became wild
As she chided the child—
(You don't have to be mad, but it helps).

Dottie (Anne Clements)

Lord Justice Bartholomew Phelps
Has a wench who occasionally skelps
His Worship's backside —
Once he's handcuffed and tied.
(You don't have to be mad, but it helps.)

Celia Warren

In the colonies, arrogant Phelpses
Fired much ammunition at elpses,
But as often as not
'Twas a Phelps wot got shot.
(You don't have to be mad, but it helpses.)

Dottie (Anne Clements)

The barking, eccentric clan Phelps
Utter words such as elpses and skelps.
Some manic, some lazy,
Their pastimes are crazy.
(You don't have to be mad, but it helps.)

Bluebelle

Surely they can't be seriously viewed as a church.

Hi Soulgirl . I noticed you're from the UK. I have this image of churches being very sedate there. I could very well be wrong. Here in the States, and particularly in the South, we're noted for having, shall I say, peculiar religious practices. They run the gamut from snake handlers to people burbling in tongues. Just about any group of loonies can gather and proclaim their tax exempt status as a church and begin to preach any damn thing they want. Remember Jim Jones and his Kool-Aid gang. And least we forget the Heaven's Gate crew. Thirty-nine committed mass suicide so their souls could travel and hitch a ride on the Hale-Bopp...

Surely they can't be seriously viewed as a church.

Hi Soulgirl . I noticed you're from the UK. I have this image of churches being very sedate there. I could very well be wrong. Here in the States, and particularly in the South, we're noted for having, shall I say, peculiar religious practices. They run the gamut from snake handlers to people burbling in tongues. Just about any group of loonies can gather and proclaim their tax exempt status as a church and begin to preach any damn thing they want. Remember Jim Jones and his Kool-Aid gang. And least we forget the Heaven's Gate crew. Thirty-nine committed mass suicide so their souls could travel and hitch a ride on the Hale-Bopp comet. Even the "mainstream" religions have their share of nuts. The Mormons, Scientologists, and Christian Scientists being in competition for the top three. Yep, quite a carnival of absurdities.

Religimericks:

In this blasphemous world, Left and Right
Twist religion to prove what they cite.
From Vishnu to Jesus,
The gods want to please us,
But not until man sees the light.

oneslowtyper (John Scunziano)

In Calvinism, God reigns supreme,
And depravity (man's) is extreme.
It's predestined that hell
Is where sinners will dwell.
This religion ain't peaches and cream!

Chris Doyle

By catechization, religion
Is taught, leaving only a smidgen
Of freedom to think
For yourself. They say blink,
And you blink—a Pavlovian pigeon.

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Religimericks:

In this blasphemous world, Left and Right
Twist religion to prove what they cite.
From Vishnu to Jesus,
The gods want to please us,
But not until man sees the light.

oneslowtyper (John Scunziano)

In Calvinism, God reigns supreme,
And depravity (man's) is extreme.
It's predestined that hell
Is where sinners will dwell.
This religion ain't peaches and cream!

Chris Doyle

By catechization, religion
Is taught, leaving only a smidgen
Of freedom to think
For yourself. They say blink,
And you blink—a Pavlovian pigeon.

Chris Doyle

We must criticize bigotry and hatred, but only while noticing the beam in our own eye...

I seriously doubt if the people who have commented here have gone to the lengths that the followers of Fred Phelps have. Your quotation addresses hypocracy. How that relates here is a stretch. If you wish to view people as inherently sinful (whatever that entails) that's your business. I take an opposite approach and view people as inherently good until they prove me wrong by their deeds. If they do that I have no problem in condeming them for their actions. This business of "hating the sin and loving the sinner" is one of those religious bumper stickers that is just too simplistic for my...

We must criticize bigotry and hatred, but only while noticing the beam in our own eye...

I seriously doubt if the people who have commented here have gone to the lengths that the followers of Fred Phelps have. Your quotation addresses hypocracy. How that relates here is a stretch. If you wish to view people as inherently sinful (whatever that entails) that's your business. I take an opposite approach and view people as inherently good until they prove me wrong by their deeds. If they do that I have no problem in condeming them for their actions. This business of "hating the sin and loving the sinner" is one of those religious bumper stickers that is just too simplistic for my tastes. And most importantly, I see no one exhibiting the same level of outrageous behavior that the Phelps clan engages in on a regular basis. Criticism and condemnation of the Phelp's behavior is a declaration of moral outrage against ideologues who routinely and willfully bring pain into other people's lives.

I clipped this one too, here.
The point here, Smilovici, is that the Westboro people, as AtlLiberal
said, are one of those outrageous groups that almost makes you sorry to
concede freedom of speech, but do so with the knowledge that
eventually, their behavior will come back to haunt them.

Their reason for picketing soldiers' funerals is that Phelps maintains
that the soldiers deserved to die for defending a nation that doesn't
make homosexuality a capital crime. If you don't believe me, take
a look at his site, www.godhatesfags.com. I predict that'll leave
you with a profound sense of dismay, and, perhaps, pity that there are
pe...

I clipped this one too, here.
The point here, Smilovici, is that the Westboro people, as AtlLiberal
said, are one of those outrageous groups that almost makes you sorry to
concede freedom of speech, but do so with the knowledge that
eventually, their behavior will come back to haunt them.

Their reason for picketing soldiers' funerals is that Phelps maintains
that the soldiers deserved to die for defending a nation that doesn't
make homosexuality a capital crime. If you don't believe me, take
a look at his site, www.godhatesfags.com. I predict that'll leave
you with a profound sense of dismay, and, perhaps, pity that there are
people in the world who can be so consumed by hate. I agree with
AtlLiberal on viewing people as inherently good, but Phelps and his
"family" prove over and over again by their actions that if there is a
good bone in their bodies it'll take a coroner to find it.

It is probably not an act of Christian charity to delight in their
misfortune, but I'm not a Christian, and this is something that they
brought upon themselves.