 dakotayii says: An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times." Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?" Man: "What sins?" Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?" Man: "I'm Jewish." Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?" Man: "I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody." LOL!!!  I really needed a good laugh this morning! Thanks for posting this one!!  Thanks dakotayii!!!! I so needed that! GREAT- Rock on. GREAT JOKES! T'rrific !!  A MAN WALKED INTO A CROWDED DOCTOR'S OFFICE, AND THE RECEPTIONIST ASKED HIM, "YES SIR, WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU TODAY?" "SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH MY DICK," HE REPLIED. EMBARRASSED, THE RECEPTIONIST SAID, "DON'T USE LANGUAGE LIKE THAT IN HERE, GO ON OUT AND COME BACK LATER AND SAY THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR EAR OR SOMETHING." RETURNING, SHE ASKED HIM AND GOT THE DESIRED ANSWER. THE RECEPTIONIST NODDED APPROVINGLY, THEN ASKED, "AND WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR EAR?" "IT WON'T GET HARD AND I CAN'T PISS OUT OF IT". A MAN SITS AT A BAR AND PLACES A BOX ON IT. THE WOMAN SITTING NEXT TO HIM ASKS WHAT'S IN IT. HE TELLS HER IT'S HIS BULLFROG. "WHY DID YOU BRING A BULLFROG TO THE BAR?" SHE ASKS. "BECAUSE IT'S THE WORLD CHAMPION AT CUNNILINGUS. WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY IT?" HE SAYS. AFTER SOME TIME SHE AGREES AND THEY GO TO HER PAD. SHE STRIPS, SPREADS, AND HE PLACES THE BULLFROG ON HER MOUND. ALL THE FROG DOES IS CROAK "RIBBIT, RIBBIT!" AFTER AWHILE SHE GETS ANGRY AND HE SAYS, "ALRIGHT! MOVE, FROGGIE! THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A FREE LESSON!" THREE DOCTORS WERE SHOOTING THE BULL ONE DAY. "ONCE I TOOK AN ARM FROM A DEAD CAR CRASH VICTIM AND PUT IT ON A WORKER JUST-ARRIVED FROM AN ACCIDENT, AND TODAY HE'S OUT LOOKING FOR A JOB." "THAT'S NOT SO AMAZING," SAID THE SECOND. "SIX MONTHS AGO I GAVE A BLIND MAN A PAIR OF EYES, AND TODAY HE'S OUT LOOKING FOR A JOB." "NEITHER OF THOSE CASES TOPS MINE," SAID THE THIRD. "A YEAR AND A HALF AGO I TOOK AN ASSHOLE OUT OF CALIFORNIA, PUT IT IN THE WHITE HOUSE, AND TODAY EVERYBODY IS OUT LOOKING FOR A JOB!" DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE DOUCHE POWDER MADE FROM ALUM, LSD, AND KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN BATTER? IT'S UPTIGHT, OUTASIGHT, AND FINGER-LICKIN' GOOD. WHAT'S THE PURPOSE OF A BELLYBUTTON? TO PUT YOUR GUM IN ON THE WAY DOWN. A MAN WENT IN A BAR AND BET THE WAITER THAT HE COULD LICK HIS LEFT EYEBALL. THE WAITER AGREED, AND THE MAN PROCEEDED TO TAKE OUT HIS GLASS EYE AND LICK IT. ANOTHER TIME THE MAN BET THE WAITER THAT HE COULD BITE HIS RIGHT EYEBALL. SINCE THE WAITER COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT BOTH THE MAN'S EYES WERE GLASS, HE TOOK THE BET, WHEREUPON THE MAN TOOK OUT HIS FALSE TEETH AND BIT HIS RIGHT EYE. FINALLY, THE MAN CAME BACK AND BET THE WAITER $500 THAT HE COULD PISS IN AND FILL UP A GLASS BEER MUG AS IT WAS SLIDING BY AFTER THE WAITER SLUNG IT AS FAST AS HE COULD. THIS TIME THE WAITER COULDN'T BELIEVE HE COULD LOSE, SO HE TOOK THE BET AND SURE ENOUGH, THE MAN COULDN'T PEE MORE THAN A TINKLE INTO THE BEER MUG... WHY DID THE MAN WITH THE 18-INCH DICK WANT SOME OF IT REMOVED? BECAUSE EVERY TIME HE SAT ON THE POT AND HICCUPED, IT SIPHONED ALL THE WATER OUT OF THE BOWL. THIS GUY WALKS INTO A BATHROOM. HE SEES THIS REALLY SHORT GUY NEXT TO HIM, AND WONDERS HOW HE REACHES THE TOILET. SO HE WATCHES, AND THIS GUY HAS A REALLY BIG DICK. SO HE ASKED HIM, "HOW DID YOU GET THAT BIG DICK?". "I AM A LEPRECHAUN, AND I CAN GRANT ANYONE I WANT 3 WISHES, AND I CAN GRANT MYSELF AS MANY WISHES AS I WANT!" THE SHORT MAN SAID. SO THE MAN ASKED HIM, "WELL, COULD YOU GRANT ME 3 WISHES?" "HMMM... ONLY IF YOU SCREW ME UP THE ASS." WELL, THE GUY KNEW THAT WAS GROSS, BUT HE REALLY WANTED A BIG DICK, SO HE DROPPED HIS PANTS AND DID IT. WELL, WHEN HE WAS DONE, HE ASKED THE LEPRECHAUN WHERE HIS WISHES WERE, AND HE REPLIED, "AREN'T YOU A LITTLE OLD TO BE BELIEVING IN LEPRECHAUNS?!!" WHAT'S 18 INCHES LONG AND HANGS IN FRONT OF AN ASSHOLE? DONALD TRUMP'S TIE. |
View the Top Clips from February 21, 2008
Embed This Clip In Your Site...
|
||
|
|
|||
