While the White House would not confirm the content of the leaked speech draft, a spokesman acknowledged that "You don't get to be as smart and cool as Barack Obama by sitting in P.S. 152, listening to some union lackey droning on, and then eating government surplus in the cafeteria."

On Tuesday, the president will bypass parents, taking his message directly to kids in the classroom "in hopes that you'll pester Mom until she gets a second job to pay private-school tuition so you can escape the swirling vortex of ignorance and despair that is our government-run school system."

"The only thing standing between you and success," the president will allegedly say, "is the mentality that the government will take care of you. Once you shake that, there's no limit to your achievement. Pay any price. Bear any burden. Just get your fanny out of that fiberglass chair, go buy yourself an Oxford shirt, a pair of slacks and a clip-on tie (sorry about that )and . . .

go to a place that faces constant economic pressure to improve.”

Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the world’s leading family-friendly news satire source.

The frank reality is that private schools and home based digital educations are more effective than our public schools. It's just a simple crunching of numbers. And while I might not fully believe the slant the right is trying to put on this (Obama urging private schools) the real truth of it is that public schools are designed to output graduated students like a factory and happily accept lesser standards in order to process more children. Thank Bush and his "no child left behind" policy for that.