"The solid citizen is skeptical of airways."

Let me tell you what I've learned about trains from living in Boston:

Trains can sense fear. Flying trains are especially prone to defend themselves. Trains always have the right of way. Do not provoke the trains. If you come across a sleeping train, walk around it...do not attempt to disturb it. Practice lying dead so you will know how to survive in the event of an actual train attack. (NOTE: Lying down on the tracks is a common fatal mistake.)

Oh, you Bostonians and your trains of terror!

Alan knows. It's like Maximum Overdrive every day here. The subways have broken free of their 100-year-old underground confines and maniacally roam the streets by themselves, thirsty for revenge. Those foolish enough to board don't know if they'll end up in Kenmore Square or left to die pitilessly on the tracks.

Still, beats driving downtown, though...