Different people respond to being abused and victimized in different ways. The fact that one person becomes a drug addict and another doesn't, or that one becomes an alcoholic and another doesn't, or that one becomes deeply religious and another doesn't – none of that means that one is somehow doing it wrong or being self-indulgent or that one is weak or bad.

So often you hear people argue "Well, Person X lived through that and turned out to be a rousing success! Why aren't you?"

Person X is exceptional. That's wonderful for Person X. But "you are not exceptional – you are average, like almost everybody else" doesn't mean "you are bad" or "you are weak".

Two siblings may grow up being abu...

Different people respond to being abused and victimized in different ways. The fact that one person becomes a drug addict and another doesn't, or that one becomes an alcoholic and another doesn't, or that one becomes deeply religious and another doesn't – none of that means that one is somehow doing it wrong or being self-indulgent or that one is weak or bad.

So often you hear people argue "Well, Person X lived through that and turned out to be a rousing success! Why aren't you?"

Person X is exceptional. That's wonderful for Person X. But "you are not exceptional – you are average, like almost everybody else" doesn't mean "you are bad" or "you are weak".

Two siblings may grow up being abused in the same ways by the same parent. One goes on to abuse their own children, one doesn't. Stacks of research studies show that people who are abused are overwhelmingly likely to go on to abuse their own children. So much so that when somebody manages not to, it's a noteworthy accomplishment. Sibling B's ability to put it behind them doesn't mean that Sibling A is doing it deliberately, or consciously choosing to make bad decisions, or anything like that.

I think that is a delusion ....or else all abused children/beaten women would be crackheads.

You're looking at it the wrong way around, I'm pretty sure. Not all abused children grow up into crackheads. But it's a pretty good bet that most crackheads experienced abuse as children.

Similarly with strippers and sex workers. Not every girl who is sexually abused becomes a prostitute. But the people who study the field have found that "Childhood sexual victimization, by contrast, nearly doubled the odds of entry into prostitution throughout the lives of women."

It's wonderful that some people manage to overcome the difficulties they start out with. But it's uncompassionate and unhelpful to use that as a reason to blame the ones who don't.

i have written two replies and both times they didn't take.
grrrr..


Bottom line was: I knew as soon as I posted what I did that it might be read as mean, or harsh or whatever. It's not. I do appreciate that addiction is a serious issue, and I know we are not all cut out copies of each other. I do feel great compassion for those still lost in it.

However.....

There is a ton of help available to this woman, as there is for anyone who really means business and wants to turn their life around. Most of the help I know of is also FREE. There are literally waves of people who would move heaven and earth to help someone who was really sincere about wanting to change.....and there are plenty of r...

i have written two replies and both times they didn't take.
grrrr..


Bottom line was: I knew as soon as I posted what I did that it might be read as mean, or harsh or whatever. It's not. I do appreciate that addiction is a serious issue, and I know we are not all cut out copies of each other. I do feel great compassion for those still lost in it.

However.....

There is a ton of help available to this woman, as there is for anyone who really means business and wants to turn their life around. Most of the help I know of is also FREE. There are literally waves of people who would move heaven and earth to help someone who was really sincere about wanting to change.....and there are plenty of resources around that are simply not taken advantage of.

All I wanted to point out that it is my opinion, (and my observation), that her perspective, her version of the story she is clinging to--- is obviously not producing helpful results. She would do well to write a new one.....and there is nothing preventing her from doing that.......except her.

I have to tell you Antara that my line of work involves dealing with people who are on drugs and alcohol. I see what drugs do to people especially prescription drugs that are abused. People become addicts and it's not a pretty sight. People try to get over on me all the time and we work with those who are making an effort, but the bottom line is they have to be responsible.
But, it is a very complex issue and to say personal responsibility is the only factor in why they became addicted in the first place is just way too simplified.
I think sometimes we come too close to judging other's when we do that, and we should be ever so diligent to understand the complexieties.
I think the...

I have to tell you Antara that my line of work involves dealing with people who are on drugs and alcohol. I see what drugs do to people especially prescription drugs that are abused. People become addicts and it's not a pretty sight. People try to get over on me all the time and we work with those who are making an effort, but the bottom line is they have to be responsible.
But, it is a very complex issue and to say personal responsibility is the only factor in why they became addicted in the first place is just way too simplified.
I think sometimes we come too close to judging other's when we do that, and we should be ever so diligent to understand the complexieties.
I think the clip was very good about understanding the complexities of being an addict. I'm rooting for her too