Now the feast of Passover was approaching, and Obama went to Jerusalem, and people asked him about the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, and how they had been destroyed for their wickedness and sins.

And Obama knew they were tempting him, for he had preached that two men or two women should be allowed to marry, although it was unnatural and a sin. 'Let me just say this', he addressed a large angry crowd of normal married men and women, 'if two men or women decide, of their own free will, to, in effect, marry one another, it is no different from them becoming married to their household pets or farm animals.'

And Obama then told them a parable. 'A man was travelling on a road in Egypt, and he ca...

Now the feast of Passover was approaching, and Obama went to Jerusalem, and people asked him about the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, and how they had been destroyed for their wickedness and sins.

And Obama knew they were tempting him, for he had preached that two men or two women should be allowed to marry, although it was unnatural and a sin. 'Let me just say this', he addressed a large angry crowd of normal married men and women, 'if two men or women decide, of their own free will, to, in effect, marry one another, it is no different from them becoming married to their household pets or farm animals.'

And Obama then told them a parable. 'A man was travelling on a road in Egypt, and he came across a camel that was lame in the desert. And the man asked passers-by for assistance, but none would help the camel.'

'And the man tried to heal the camel's leg with balsam and frankincense and chanel, and boots ownbrand ointment, but to no avail. And the camel refused to get back onto its feet. And so the man had no choice but to marry the camel, and they lived many years together in peace. Let he without sin marry the first camel he doth meet.'

And the people were much puzzled, and some shouted at Obama, saying 'Pervy!', which means one who allows unnatural unions. And Obama went to the Temple and saw the moneylenders there, and saw much money changing hands, and became angry, for he wanted the money.

'People of Jerusalem', he said, 'if you give me your money I will end warfare and famine, especially the war in Persia', for many soldiers had died in battles with the Persians to try and capture some black gold there. And the people were happy, and gave Obama their money. 'Just as soon as I get permission from King David', he added, before leaving the Temple with a few thousand shekels in his pocket.

Obama then went to the east of ...

And the people were much puzzled, and some shouted at Obama, saying 'Pervy!', which means one who allows unnatural unions. And Obama went to the Temple and saw the moneylenders there, and saw much money changing hands, and became angry, for he wanted the money.

'People of Jerusalem', he said, 'if you give me your money I will end warfare and famine, especially the war in Persia', for many soldiers had died in battles with the Persians to try and capture some black gold there. And the people were happy, and gave Obama their money. 'Just as soon as I get permission from King David', he added, before leaving the Temple with a few thousand shekels in his pocket.

Obama then went to the east of the city, and saw that Roman soldiers were killing some children there. And Obama's followers begged him to stop the killing, for it was wrong, but Obama looked all around him and pretended he couldn't see the Romans killing the children, and walked past. 'Let him without sin turn a blind eye to this mass murder', he told his disciples. Who had now been reduced from twelve to two.

And the Passover was due to begin, and Obama met a woman named Hitlery, of Kosovia, and Hitlery doth curse Obama greatly, saying 'You are everything to everyone but never actually do or say anything, we'd be better having a Trappist monk tied up in a cellar as a leader!', and Obama was sore offended, and spake back to the lady.

'If - and now is the time, the time that we need to do, and need to say - we can move forward as we have so far moved sidewards, then, as we progress, and, let us now say, as we change, then we, as a people, can henceforth move backwards into what may be seen as, in these times, a progressively forwardly backwards sideways step of, yes, peaceful co-operation with, af...

And the Passover was due to begin, and Obama met a woman named Hitlery, of Kosovia, and Hitlery doth curse Obama greatly, saying 'You are everything to everyone but never actually do or say anything, we'd be better having a Trappist monk tied up in a cellar as a leader!', and Obama was sore offended, and spake back to the lady.

'If - and now is the time, the time that we need to do, and need to say - we can move forward as we have so far moved sidewards, then, as we progress, and, let us now say, as we change, then we, as a people, can henceforth move backwards into what may be seen as, in these times, a progressively forwardly backwards sideways step of, yes, peaceful co-operation with, after all, our aims intact.'

But the scribes and the Pharisees were plotting against Obama, for they also regarded him as a bag of wind, and one Pharisee asked him 'How much longer do the people need to wait before the Messiah comes?', for some of the people were saying Obama was the Messiah, although others that he was like the winds of Gaza in July - a lot of hot air that makes people feel uncomfortable. 'About three years', he answered them.

'Should we render all our taxes to the children of Israel?', another asked him. 'Ye say I am the King of the Jews', he replied, 'therefore render your taxes unto Israel.' And he took a coin that he had removed from the Temple, and showed it to the scribes. 'See this coin, on one side is a map of Palestine, on the other side a map of the Mediterranean Sea. Therefore send all your taxes to the people in those places, and heed not their laughter.'