A source who is almost never right on these types of stories reports that the ''Swat Team for Change'' has a short list of three options to save America.

In no particular order, the list is:

* Raise the minimum age for Social Security to 79. Retroactive to 1992.

* Visit nations with lower life expectancies than America to discover their "secrets." Rewrite ObamaCare accordingly.

* Staff those death panels with left-wing goof balls who hate old people and life in general. Change to 50 the minimum age for death panel review before any medical treatment is authorized.

When finally reached by the media, President Obama had this to say:

"This is another crisis that t...

A source who is almost never right on these types of stories reports that the ''Swat Team for Change'' has a short list of three options to save America.

In no particular order, the list is:

* Raise the minimum age for Social Security to 79. Retroactive to 1992.

* Visit nations with lower life expectancies than America to discover their "secrets." Rewrite ObamaCare accordingly.

* Staff those death panels with left-wing goof balls who hate old people and life in general. Change to 50 the minimum age for death panel review before any medical treatment is authorized.

When finally reached by the media, President Obama had this to say:

"This is another crisis that the American people will have to work through. We have always succeeded when we work together.

"We are calling on anyone over 60 to do as John F. Kennedy asked in 1963, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for your country.'

"Doing what you can for your country in 2009 means getting off the Social Security and Medicare 'gravy trains' as soon as possible. Remember, it was you people who caused the Great Depression, two world wars, the Korean and Vietnam wars, and the unwarranted invasion of Iraq!"

"It was you people who brought double-digit inflation to America and destroyed the presidency of Jimmy Carter by voting for that right wing demagogue, Ronald Wilson Reagan. It was you people that put America at war with Islam by electing that ...

"We are calling on anyone over 60 to do as John F. Kennedy asked in 1963, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for your country.'

"Doing what you can for your country in 2009 means getting off the Social Security and Medicare 'gravy trains' as soon as possible. Remember, it was you people who caused the Great Depression, two world wars, the Korean and Vietnam wars, and the unwarranted invasion of Iraq!"

"It was you people who brought double-digit inflation to America and destroyed the presidency of Jimmy Carter by voting for that right wing demagogue, Ronald Wilson Reagan. It was you people that put America at war with Islam by electing that Texan, George W. Bush.

"My fellow Americans, the time for atonement is now. Please do the patriotic thing by leaving this worldly dimension as soon as possible.

"Good night, and God bless Americans with terminal, inoperable diseases!"