The B-ROC’s engine will also come equipped with remote cutoff to prevent theft or stop someone from driving who is delinquent on his taxes (members of Congress and White House staff can have this feature disabled at no extra charge).

The B-ROC will be the most environmentally friendly automobile ever designed. Not only will it have low emissions, it will be 85 percent biodegradable and will begin to slowly decompose soon after it’s driven off the lot.

The B-ROC will support all kinds of alternative fuels, from alcohol to water (as long as it’s also filled with gasoline).

Instead of simply recording your mileage, [i]the B-ROC will also make helpful suggestions about walking [...

The B-ROC’s engine will also come equipped with remote cutoff to prevent theft or stop someone from driving who is delinquent on his taxes (members of Congress and White House staff can have this feature disabled at no extra charge).

The B-ROC will be the most environmentally friendly automobile ever designed. Not only will it have low emissions, it will be 85 percent biodegradable and will begin to slowly decompose soon after it’s driven off the lot.

The B-ROC will support all kinds of alternative fuels, from alcohol to water (as long as it’s also filled with gasoline).

Instead of simply recording your mileage, the B-ROC will also make helpful suggestions about walking when it feels you’ve been driving more than necessary. It will additionally be able to enforce these suggestions in times of fuel-shortages or other emergency situations yet to be determined.

While the B-ROC will normally not include a cigarette lighter, it can be added as an extra option if the purchaser has a medicinal marijuana prescription.

For entertainment, the B-ROC will include a radio capable of receiving NPR and other stations with approved, politically balanced content.

The expected price of the B-ROC will be $100,000 [...] the government will still be selling it at a loss due to labor costs from the new union contract the Democrat-controlled Congress just negotiated.

While it is true that nearly all collisions with traditional automobiles will most likely prove fatal to the passengers of the B-ROC, collisions between B-ROCs will be highly survivable, and eventually those will be the only vehicles legal to drive on this nation’s highways. Estimates for B-ROC-related fatalities during this transitional period are as low as 100,000.

The B-ROC: It’s from the government, and it’s here to get you places!

Frank J. Fleming writes political humor at IMAO.us and has extensive knowledge of automobiles - he once changed a car battery all by himself.