 debbyski says: Well, first there is denial. You gotta get them well. Then there is anger. Why me? I didn't sign up for this; well, whoops, actually I did. THEN, comes the guilt. Like the guilt of wanting to do things together like you used to when your spouse was well. The guilt of having feelings that you have to close down like feeling sorry for your God damned well ass. But they forget to mention the shame. You are in another closet of sorts, pretending to everyone that everything is ok so people don't feel "sorry" for you in their smug superiority of comparing your life which sucks to their oh so much better one. And of course the fear and isolation, even though you are around ppl all the time; it never goes away. Sexual fears slowly become your reality. Ah, and then comes acceptance. Oh wait, maybe your spouse will get better? As you can see, dear readers, I'm not there quite yet. So very true Deb; but I would do the same for you. Try being on my end, not a happy camper; but improving every day. How about a spouse who because of a life altering accident decides to bail? Not right away but eventually. This must be be tough Debby. I wish a speed recovery for your husband. Sorry for your troubles. So very true Deb; but I would do the same for you.I know you would baby. I love you for that. Dski, I love your clip. Too many people often see their marriage as a chore. A responsibility that must be done. I have found that I often have to remind myself that I am married because it is not the crucible of my relationship with my spouse. My spouse is my best friend in this entire world. She always has been since we got together. I know she doesn't always meet my expectations but I understand that they are my expectations, not hers. When I have issue with her I tell her and we work it out. This goes both ways. I change my ways to compliment her as well. We don't fight (Well, sometimes we do because of money issues but its usually a misunderstanding of our needs and desires. Making Up ... Debbski, I was the caretaker for my husband who had had a massive stroke at age 49 for 9 years. Now after he's been gone for almost 7 years, I've finally begin to feel like a sane person again with a life. The only thing, I miss my best friend--after being married 36 years--it's difficult to find a friend who understands you like one's spouse did. I did the things in the article to remain sane, but still it was a difficult job--and went through all the denial, anger, financial, sex fears, etc. Intellectually, I knew it was harder for him--being such a type A personality--but all one can do is the best one can do with the time and talents one has. The financial fears are still with me,... Dski, I wish for you the strength you need to get thru this. He is your best friend and you are his. Times are tough but make sure your friendship endures. You both need that. Take a walk down memory lane with him and you may remind yourself of why you endure. It will also be a nice gift to him. Try to do something with him that reaffirms the friendship that you have. Be honest and open and try to find a happy moment. As for everyone else - what they think doesn't REALLY matter does it? If I may, not to be too forward. Let me give you a gift or two to calm your inner turmoil. First a source to explore Next a bit about the experience Finally some samples Connections Angels New Year Mandalas Soothing I hope you enjoy these. There are many, many more to be found if you look Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers. :-* It is the kindness of strangers to which we owe our humanity @Skwirl, I know it's selfish, but it's so cathartic to say how I really feel at times. It helps me. No apologies required with me babe, none at all Steven Halpern I post this comment so it doesnt get lost to you as a clip. If you have never listened to Steven you must as a favor to me. Another good relaxor is John Serrie More about him later - You need Halpren I recommend: Spectrum Suite 1975 Including: Earthrise, Pt. 2, Rainbows of Life, Keynote A: Indigo, and more... Inner Peace 1994 Including: Deep Peace, Inner Journey, Inner Peace, and more... Enhancing Intimacy 1994 Including: Toward the One, Touch With Your Heart, Pachelbel's Canon, and more... Music for Sound Healing 1999 Including: Chakra Balancing, Deep Healing, Leg... @Skwirl, :-* |
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