. . . . outside power plants. Don’t be ridiculous. That would be wrong. We’re talking about a law-enforcement problem, just like global jihad should have been during the Bush regime, before they liked us better. (Thank Gaia that’s behind us. Terrorism is so Bush era. As the Secretary of Homeland Security noted that ”man-caused disasters” are the real problem, and if betraying Earth isn’t a man-caused disasterist offense, I don’t know what is.) It has to be dealt with in a lawful manner.

So here’s the deal. It’s time to establish an International Climate-Change Tribunal that has the authority to deal with Earth treason witht eh full weight of international law. In Bali or someplace like tha...

. . . . outside power plants. Don’t be ridiculous. That would be wrong. We’re talking about a law-enforcement problem, just like global jihad should have been during the Bush regime, before they liked us better. (Thank Gaia that’s behind us. Terrorism is so Bush era. As the Secretary of Homeland Security noted that ”man-caused disasters” are the real problem, and if betraying Earth isn’t a man-caused disasterist offense, I don’t know what is.) It has to be dealt with in a lawful manner.

So here’s the deal. It’s time to establish an International Climate-Change Tribunal that has the authority to deal with Earth treason witht eh full weight of international law. In Bali or someplace like that, tropical and green.

It’ll need a big office complex, conference center, hotel rooms and cabanas, plus gyms and pools with swim-up bars, and courtrooms and holding cells. Lots of waterskiing, parasailing, bars and strip clubs, too. They can engage the world’s greenest minds to make sure all that stuff’s green. Wicked green. With high-tech window panes, solar panels and a wind turbine or something like that. Totally eco-friendly, minimal carbon footprint and non-globalizationist.

How hard could it be to get the UN General Assembly to make the United States pay for that?

Damn, they should be paying me to come up with ideas like that. Back to the Earth traitors. This isn’t just about punishment. It’s about re-education. They would need to be lectured a lot, for long hours, under bright low-wattage eco-bulbs, about the damage they have done to the environment. Might want to play a lot of Pete Seeger and Peter Paul and Mary to soften them up. Strict Vegan diet to cleanse their systems. All copies of Ayn Rand, down the composting port-a-potty! (Anyone who didn’t demand George Bush’s prosecution should probably be waterboarded to see whether they think it’s torture or not, but that’s a separate matter.)

It would be nice to think all of that would be enough to br...

Damn, they should be paying me to come up with ideas like that. Back to the Earth traitors. This isn’t just about punishment. It’s about re-education. They would need to be lectured a lot, for long hours, under bright low-wattage eco-bulbs, about the damage they have done to the environment. Might want to play a lot of Pete Seeger and Peter Paul and Mary to soften them up. Strict Vegan diet to cleanse their systems. All copies of Ayn Rand, down the composting port-a-potty! (Anyone who didn’t demand George Bush’s prosecution should probably be waterboarded to see whether they think it’s torture or not, but that’s a separate matter.)

It would be nice to think all of that would be enough to bring everyone around, but not everyone is amenable to logic and persuasion. Recalcitrant denialists have to suffer the fate of all traitors. Once convicted by the tribunal, they will be drawn, quartered, and finally, when not quite dead yet, burned at the stake. No half-measures, not where loyalty to the planet is concerned.

Same thing goes for Krugman. According to this University of Colorado recycling website, it takes 75,000 trees to print a Sunday edition of the New York Times. That sounds a little high, and we already know that we greens tend to skew our data a little, but let’s just say that for Krugman to accuse certain humans of betraying their planet, it spelled doomed for a heck of a lot of trees. Look, it was in a good cause. To save that forest, Krugman had to destroy it.