A kid who disappeared into the woods returned thinner than before. Big surprise.

An even bigger surprise was the news that he lived for months without food, a claim so completely unverifiable that it must be true.

Carrying a sword, he said, "Even Buddha had, like, a ninja star and a big Bowie knife and had to whup some ass like Chuck-Norris style." Then he shrugged his shoulders, blew his bangs away from his face, sat down in the forest and listened to The Cure.

His followers say he is immune to both fire and snakebites.

When contacted, fire responded, "I call bullshit." Snakebites at first offered, "No comment," but then said, "No, really, he thinks he's immune? I'll break him of that little illusion, just as meditation breaks us of the illusion of consciousness."

Scientists were unable to examine the boy because they'd just ruin the whole fucking scam.