 abailart says: So, once again, the question: is there something rotten at the core of our 'civilised' values? Spend more time with your kids. Listen to them, spend quality time with them and always build up their self-esteem. Self-mutilation is an act of emotional despair, frustration, helplessness and inverted rage. And one doesn't have to look far to find the cause. These children are the products of utterly incompetent, disfunctional and selfish parents. These children are the products of utterly incompetent, disfunctional and selfish parents.That may be true, but I believe sometimes self-harm is just a result of not having better coping skills. Teaching coping skills is really important. Self-abuse is often a shout for attention. The question remains: is it all down to individual parents and children, or is there something rotten in the shared values of society, something that does not meet human needs, something that messes people up? I believe that the parents and the children are the society and if there is a pattern worth noting it is a pattern of the society. Only the parents and the children can affect a change in the society. Society can inform/educate, regulate and punish individuals but until the individuals change the society will remain the same. sometimes self-harm is just a result of not having better coping skills.True, Mousie. But it's the parents who inculcate, instill and model the coping skills. They are the first and primary influences. I've never met a disturbed child who didn't have a disturbed parent/s. Skwirl, if a child has to go to those lengths to get attention, then it's indicative of the depth of their deprivation and starvation for attention, and that is indicative of neglect. I don;t think that parents are as influential in their children's lives as their peers are at that age. They are with other kids for 6-8 or more hours most days of the week. I was one of the kids who cut.. I you asked me why, I would have told you I didn't know- I just was curious and wanted to watch the blood flow. Some kids do this because it is something their friends are doing. I once hung with a group of kids who thought drinking blood was cool, so I tried it too. That was 16 years ago, of course! rv...thanks for sharing your experience. I think "society" is what happens based on the family. I believe that most of this is caused by selfish, self-absorbed, undisciplined parents...though not all. I think the teen years and peers of that age exacerbate what is already inside. I just learned this morning that a dear friends grand-daughter (age 14) has been placed in an institution to protect herself and receive help. I knew the girl was emotional unstable and had cut herself in the past so I wasn't surprised; just heartbroken. Her father is a hurtful alcoholic, her mother a frightened, emotional lost soul. The mother and daughter had moved to a different city to escape the Dad and the peers; but the problems went with them. :~( Would the media's false message of instant self gratification and impossible lifestyle not be a major fault in raising impossible expectations of false happiness, not be a major contributor? Skwirl, if a child has to go to those lengths to get attention, then it's indicative of the depth of their deprivation and starvation for attention, and that is indicative of neglect.So sadly true IMO it pretty well boils down to a society with a pretty screwed-up value system .... not every one in the society but certainly a vast majority within the society. Children are born with a built-in bull-shit detector, and then (we) society very very soon begin to "adjust" them so they might better "fit in" to the warped value system that has become the norm. On some level many children/sensitive young people feel the angst associated with this state of being and so act out in many different ways. These ultra-sensitive children are very often the "thinkers" that every conformist society needs, and yet we say they are "sick or weak" In reality its society in general that has become sic... As a parent, When I see destructive behaviour in my children it is cause for a discussion and focus on the issues. My children are very aware that what some kids do isn't what they should do. We discuss the issues of growing up and I often think long and hard on how to handle the issues they face in freedom life. I think one of the things that make it so effective to parent is the fact that we all sit together EVERY night for dinner and we actually talk. Children must know that their actions can bring on consequences. They are held to their word and so are we. Each of my four kids are different and they have different needs and desires. I still tell each one of them I love them everytime ... In reality its society in general that has become sick and weak.Yes, and each and every one of us are part of that society. Do we blame sociey or do we change it one by one. Yes, and each and every one of us are part of that society. Do we blame sociey or do we change it one by one.Its not about "blaming" society. Its about recognizing the influences of the society and having the fortitude to resist the so-called "wisdom of the crowds" I'm talking about the individual's resistance to making a change. Trace the influence stream of the wisdom of the crowds. The individual's influence is from mostly family, friends of family and their own friends. Its not the crowds of the media as much as the family influence. The question remains: is it all down to individual parents andCapitalism messes it up. Everyone looking out for Numero Uno. It is not so hard to see if we take off the blinders so carefully constructed by those who have the means and incentive to do so. |
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