Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy

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	Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy

axelsenzon

6-14-2007 3:32 PM

534 views

tags:

humor, funny, awesome, snl, thoughts

axelsenzon says:

so many more than i could publish. i used to love these.

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<div style="margin: 12px 0px; font-family: arial; color: #333333; background: #ffffff; border: solid 4px #e5e5e5; width: 100%; clear: left;"><div class="CM_CTB_Content_Wrap" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;background-color: #ffffff;"><div style="border-bottom: solid 1px #dcdcdc; white-space: nowrap; margin-bottom: 8px; background-color: #eeeeee ;background-image: url(http://clipmarks.com/images/source-bg.gif); background-repeat: repeat-x; height: 24px; line-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle; padding-bottom: 4px; color: #666666; font-size: 10px;" ><a href="http://clipmarks.com/clip-to-blog/" title="see clips that are hot right now"><img src="http://content.clipmarks.com/blog_embed/ae55b5ac-6879-465e-8bce-db387ae324c3/45D317E7-4EEF-4A95-9243-05DDD9DE6F6A/" alt="" width="19" height="19" border="0" style="vertical-align: middle; margin: 0px 4px; display: inline; border: none; float:none;" /></a>clipped from <a title="http://snl.jt.org/deep/" href="http://snl.jt.org/deep/" style="font-size: 11px;">snl.jt.org</a></div><blockquote style="text-align: left; padding: 0px 8px; margin: 4px 0px 8px 0px; background: transparent; border: none;" cite="http://snl.jt.org/deep/"><table background="undefined" bgcolor=""><tr><TD width="304" class="pagetitle">DEEP THOUGHTS</TD></tr></table></blockquote><div style="height: 2px; font-size: 2px; background: #dcdcdc; border-bottom: solid 1px #f5f5f5; margin: 2px 4px;"></div><blockquote style="text-align: left; padding: 0px 8px; margin: 4px 0px 8px 0px; background: transparent; border: none;" cite="http://snl.jt.org/deep/">
Anytime I see something screech across a room, and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?<BR /><IMG width="1" height="4" src="http://img.snlarc.jt.org/img/sp.gif" /><BR /><A href="http://snl.jt.org/deep/../ep.php?i=199104200" linkindex="15" set="yes">04.20.91</A></blockquote><div style="height: 2px; font-size: 2px; background: #dcdcdc; border-bottom: solid 1px #f5f5f5; margin: 2px 4px;"></div><blockquote style="text-align: left; padding: 0px 8px; margin: 4px 0px 8px 0px; background: transparent; border: none;" cite="http://snl.jt.org/deep/">
As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable, until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a HUMAN HEAD!<BR /><IMG width="1" height="4" src="http://img.snlarc.jt.org/img/sp.gif" /><BR /><A href="http://snl.jt.org/deep/../ep.php?i=199101190" linkindex="16" set="yes">01.19.91</A></blockquote><div style="height: 2px; font-size: 2px; background: #dcdcdc; border-bottom: solid 1px #f5f5f5; margin: 2px 4px;"></div><blockquote style="text-align: left; padding: 0px 8px; margin: 4px 0px 8px 0px; background: transparent; border: none;" cite="http://snl.jt.org/deep/">
As the evening sky faded from a salmon color, to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.<BR /><IMG width="1" height="4" src="http://img.snlarc.jt.org/img/sp.gif" /><BR /><A href="http://snl.jt.org/deep/../ep.php?i=199111160" linkindex="17" set="yes">11.16.91</A></blockquote><div style="height: 2px; font-size: 2px; background: #dcdcdc; border-bottom: solid 1px #f5f5f5; margin: 2px 4px;"></div><blockquote style="text-align: left; padding: 0px 8px; margin: 4px 0px 8px 0px; background: transparent; border: none;" cite="http://snl.jt.org/deep/">
Before a mad scientist goes mad, there's probably a time when he's only partially mad.  And this is the time when he's going to throw his best parties.<BR /><IMG width="1" height="4" src="http://img.snlarc.jt.org/img/sp.gif" /><BR /><A href="http://snl.jt.org/deep/../ep.php?i=199711150" linkindex="18" set="yes">11.15.97</A></blockquote><div style="height: 2px; font-size: 2px; background: #dcdcdc; border-bottom: solid 1px #f5f5f5; margin: 2px 4px;"></div><blockquote style="text-align: left; padding: 0px 8px; margin: 4px 0px 8px 0px; background: transparent; border: none;" cite="http://snl.jt.org/deep/">
Children need encouragement, so if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess.  That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling.<BR /><IMG width="1" height="4" src="http://img.snlarc.jt.org/img/sp.gif" /><BR /><A href="http://snl.jt.org/deep/../ep.php?i=199203210" linkindex="20" set="yes">03.21.92</A></blockquote><div style="height: 2px; font-size: 2px; background: #dcdcdc; border-bottom: solid 1px #f5f5f5; margin: 2px 4px;"></div><blockquote style="text-align: left; padding: 0px 8px; margin: 4px 0px 8px 0px; background: transparent; border: none;" cite="http://snl.jt.org/deep/">
How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol?  How about the pillow?  It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.<BR /><IMG width="1" height="4" src="http://img.snlarc.jt.org/img/sp.gif" /><BR /><A href="http://snl.jt.org/deep/../ep.php?i=199305080" linkindex="25" set="yes">05.08.93</A></blockquote></div><div style="margin: 0px 6px 6px 4px;"><table style="font-size: 11px;border-spacing: 0px;padding: 0px;" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"><tr><td style="background:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;">&nbsp;</td><td align="right" style="background:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;width:107px" width="107"><a href="http://clipmarks.com/share/45D317E7-4EEF-4A95-9243-05DDD9DE6F6A/blog/" title="blog or email this clip"><img src="http://content6.clipmarks.com/images/c2b-foot.png" border="0" alt="blog it" width="107" height="17" style="border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;" /></a></td></tr></table></div></div>

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