 reddogiedog says: Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed , they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights. Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036. Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent. Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines. Queen Elizabeth II dies at 108 - Prince Charles to assume throne at age 80. To take name King Brian the Nice. The 3 remaining non-Muslims in England expected at the ruins of Buck House. Crazed Builder files plan to build a house in Mexifornia. Outraged Gaians burn him at the stake for daring to defile mother nature. New cave paintings of the action expected to be added for worship by Gaians. 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. Really???  ......who knew? Merrie, the one that could come true is "Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative." Now that could be true or at least the Massachusetts citizens would certainly like to see it happen. I had a site in my bookmarks (somewhere) that is about headlines of the future. Really good read if I can find it again. Skwirlinator, I imagine your bookmarks would be a good read. I was joking about the bookmarks Skwirlinator, but I will take a look tomorrow. I know, But you can take a look tomorrow Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but her majesty, the queen of the newly formed empire of the Americas, Chelsea Clinton, has banned all smoking. Females now rule the planet. Males no longer have the right to vote, or hold office. They are forced to stay home and care for the children. Baby boomers in mega shelters still complaining that they paid into social security all those years and should be allowed out for a few hours everyday. Good one squirl. Presidential Bot gets stuck in Lincoln Mode and tries to free all workers. Goodyear finally succumbs to mag-lev technology. $900 trillion FreedomShip sets sail on her maiden voyage Gets stuck on sandbar, Pilot stoned on legal (medical) pot. Global temperatures have decreased by 20%, countries now required to raise their carbon emissions. North Korea unleashes a deadly viral toxin in China that is killing thousands each week. Will the quarrentine zone engulf Japan next? Keep it up skwirl Europe is now declared an Islamic state. Christianity is outlawed, the Vatican has been sacked. Researchers at Stanford Claim they can bring back the Bananna but instead of yellow they will be blue! MEEP, The AI that formed from the RoadRunner Project, Will achieve Singularity within 2 months. Currently has the personality of a 5 year old. We are feeding him data on hope and prosperity, humanity and concern and Tolerance of our human nature. Scholars and Transhumans doubt the success. "We Must Have A Plan" says Paul Tenney, a professor of AI Technologies at Berkley. "The destruct mechanism will not eradicate the AI, It has already jumped to gamma wireless and saturates the entire planet." "If Meep turns on us - we must have a plan to deal with it or we are doomed as a species on this planet." After a 4 day search little Billy Cockwell was found hiding in the barn. The Cockwell family is asking for donations to help pay restitution to the community for the massive hunt. PayStream the donations to the Find Billy Cockwell eCorp website. Thank you The reason for the accidental release of gamma power beam from the solar collection blimp thursday has been determined as a malfunction in the beams targeting computer and is now repaired. All other solar collection blimps and derigibles have been check and/or repaired via intralink. No casualties on ground because the beam fired over unpopulated sections of the Poconos. In other news, Poconos offers the new 'Scortched Earth' hiking path to adventurers. Twenty-three and a half miles of new path have opened up as of Friday. The first ever wireless electrical grid went into service today in the small town of Ironton, MO. Now comes the task of removing the cobwebs of telephone poles, electrical towers and transformers from the countryside. "We had a hell of a time" says one resident "We had to go around and turn off all the lights and appliances that were on when we went online" he continues "The wierdest thing was the light bulbs at the hardware store, They lit up in their packages!" Oil fields in Saudi Arabia have pumped their last barrel of oil. Oil is now $2000 a barrel, and rising. Republicans continue to push for offshore and ANWR drilling. Democrats continue to oppose drilling, they say it will take until 2040 for the fields to become operational, and even then they will have no afftect on oil prices. They say the search for alternative fuels must continue. In other news, the populace of Haiti and Egypt have starved to death because of rising food costs attributed to the mass production of ethanol, which oil companies still refuse to offer at every gas station. Actually there might not be any headlines in 2029, we'll probably be overtaken by communists, and the free press will be banned. My favorite are: Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. My favorite was : massachusettes executes last conservative. Ofcourse I guess iit shouldn't be... *feels his neck and gulps* |
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