Cont....

"Apparently, Lt. Mitty is too humble to share the full tale of his heroic HALO polingfest/jump. I guess it's up to me to tell the rest of the story.

Unsatisfied with the killing power of the Marine Corps issued Super Cobra, Lt. Mitty snuck onto an Army base and stole an Apache assault chopper.

Upon arriving on target, Lt. Mitty, ejected from the pilot seat of the two-seater aircraft, leaving his gunner, Gunney Deadmeat, to soften the drop zone with 30mm M230 chain gun fire before the chopper augered into the pockmarked sand."

Mitty, now in freefall and eagerly poling every reachable Delta Team Marine like a youth pastor at Bible camp, finally opened his eyes in time to see his mother standing in shock before him. Her disapproval was clearly evident as she stared at his Cheetos stained briefs and the furious motions of his hand inside them.

Silently, she stood there as his jerking jerkily came to a stop and his dreams of poled Marines were displaced by worries about what this all might mean.

"That's it," Mrs. Mitty declared in a cutting tone, "sell your computer, get out of my basement, and get a job."