This was the easiest job I ever had. One day a year—one day—where all I have to do is look in the direction of my shadow, and I fuck it up. Way to go, Phil, way to go! Another one of your classic moves. Five measly minutes of work and I could've gone back to bed until April, but no. No, that would've been too easy for Mister Fucking Punxsatawney National Icon With His Own Holiday Phil.

The elders of the Punxsatawney Circle are going to be so freaking pissed. They're nice and everything but they take this tourism stuff crazy seriously, and they'll never stand for this bullshit. I'll never be able to show my face around Gobbler's Knob again.

Damn! I'm such an idiot! Idiot, idiot, idiot!

Phil? Phil, you need to think of something quick. So relax. Uh, just try and breathe. Okay, what are you supposed to do? Inhale and exhale. In, out. You know what? I just need to calmly make a list of the things I need to do. Then I will do each of the things on the list. As I do each item I will

Mister Fucking Punxsatawney National Icon With His Own Holiday Phil.

fat little lazy wanker better not show his face around Gobbler's Knob again! Where in heck is Gobbler's Knob? Sounds like a real special place.

:LOL