beefed up with suggestions from assorted Syrian and Lebanese money-launderers, Chinese weapons manufacturers and the President of Sudan.

Available with weekly updates to our subscribers, this can be downloaded in spreadsheet format, with a lively and helpful introduction, drafted in Havana, in the style of Hugo Chávez.

We are, of course, aware that Iran has developed its own capabilities in this field, including a support network of financial front companies, outsourced terrorist groups and in-house death squads--as well as a lively relationship with both the U.S. Intelligence Community (who say "Oh, Pshaw") and the International Atomic Energy Agency's Director-General Mohamed ElBaradei (w...

beefed up with suggestions from assorted Syrian and Lebanese money-launderers, Chinese weapons manufacturers and the President of Sudan.

Available with weekly updates to our subscribers, this can be downloaded in spreadsheet format, with a lively and helpful introduction, drafted in Havana, in the style of Hugo Chávez.

We are, of course, aware that Iran has developed its own capabilities in this field, including a support network of financial front companies, outsourced terrorist groups and in-house death squads--as well as a lively relationship with both the U.S. Intelligence Community (who say "Oh, Pshaw") and the International Atomic Energy Agency's Director-General Mohamed ElBaradei (who says "Hi! How ya doin'?").

In extending this invitation, we stand ready to provide expert advice and inside tips on a broad menu of strategies and options.

These include:

1) The North Korean Dodge: Build and Bargain, Cheat and Repeat.

2) The Syrian Stunt: Build in Secret.

3) The Libyan Angle: Build and Swap.

4) The Pakistan Portfolio: Build and Sell the Instructions.

5) Finally, for Iran:

We have been researching an approach untested since World War II, but custom-tailored to your apocalyptic proclivities: Build the Bomb and Use It.

In sum, we hope you will consider the offer of our services. In token of our esteem, we are enclosing a free copy of our handy pamphlet: "Go Nuclear! The Leading Handbook and Guide for Modern Tyrants."

Our representatives can be contacted in the U.N. Delegates' Lounge, where we offer complimentary cappuccinos and sample vials of U-235. Mahmoud might want to brandish one at his next press conference.

Regards,

Jong Il, Bashar, Muammar, A.Q. and Affiliates

NOOCS, LLC

Claudia Rosett, a journalist-in-residence with the Foundation for Defense of Democracies, writes a weekly column on foreign affairs for Forbes.com.